An Existential Ramble

How to be a conscientious objector to a world from which I cannot be separate?

I work, I earn good money…
But I work for a machine that funds oil, mining, and weapons manufacture; all of which come at the expense of my fellow man and the planet on which I live.

So what, then?
Resign myself to homelessness and become a float in the rivers of time?
‘Go with the flow…’
Or change the course of the waters?

But then I am not so ignorant to think that know any better. Maybe I do, but I do not assume so.
So many of history’s worst- so much of the evil has been done in the name of virtue, or goodness. Good intention perverted by the lust for power.
Or not even that; perverted by the nature of hierarchy and society. Even the most benevolent leader wanting and wishing for the benefit of all persons would have to defend the position from bad actors vying for their position, and in doing so that benevolent leader would necessarily see themselves become a tyrant. I would not have that of myself- unless that is what is necessary; another scapegoat?

Evil is single-minded good. But then again, all that evil needs in this world is that good men stand by and do nothing. Bah! What a farce! A dilemma of action and inaction- do or do not, I will regret both.

All of this is of course is assuming I am able to exert my will in such a way as to change the world, which I think I am.
Maybe as a guide, leading from the back- but then again perhaps that is only to hide my cowardice.
Should I be seen, or stay quiet?

The Ghandis the Martin Luther Kings- they seemed to do alright of it. But then they had their faults too, and at the same time I have no doubt that the Stalins and the Hitlers were of the same moral resolution at the start of their journeys.

So non violent means are the way to go, then. And whilst I am an advocate for some of the views of Marx, I’m not so interested in seizing the means of production, more in ceasing them. Why do we work to build a world that further works to the detriment of our fellow man? A machine that runs for the sake of its own running.

I also muse on this escape from Samsara; Nirvana. If I am to simply relinquish all control, to achieve enlightenment and walk the world in want for nothing, and without judgment for the way of things- maybe that is what is right. But- “but, but, but”… But even then, the otherwise impartial Buddhist monks have been known to intervene to set the wheels of society when the time calls for it, in times of injustice…

I see the injustices of the holocaust, of authoritarian superpowers killing on a whim. I remember looking back at school, wondering and asking how the rest of the world looked on while these crimes were comitted- how they could be so ignorant to the needless suffering enacted on the innocent. I see now. A feeling of helplessness, hopelessness. A feeling of not knowing how to act, what to do, how to do it -how to stop it.

Knowing, but being comfortably willfully ignorant- because it’s not us who are directly affected. And it’s done in our name, our benefit, by a state that swears it has our interests at heart. There is no heart in these actions.

It’s not out business- not in our interests to intervene. But what are our interests if not to uphold some moral standards? What is the point of living- to play the game for ourselves only, fighting-clawing for advantage? I will not have that.

I’m not even against a centralised authority- but we see the established institutions now becoming the tyrants- governments worn down and underfunded by the conglomerate multinationals and state lobbies who they’re supposed to be governing and regulating.
They know no better than to grow, to drive profits, efficiency, but they fail to realise that the values they build upon are misplaced.

In the victims of the world I see the heart of Christ. I am not wholly religious, but I believe in them all in my own way. Christ was hanged from that cross while the world watched on in thinking it was what needed to happen. An innocent who died so that our passive evils are somehow justified. A sacrifice of virtue so that we may live with peace of mind and moral comfort. The children of Congo and Palestine, the Uighurs. In them I see that same helplessness- and no help for them.
Christ is returned, and this time we must fight to atone for our own sins.

I am not a good man, god knows I have my faults, but I wish to be better.
I cannot willfully point and wave the finger at the injustices of the world while I myself am guilty of the same- so sometime soon I hope to relinquish the comforts afforded to me by society. I do not expect others to do the same, but I could not possibly expect so if I myself were not willing. I do not wish to be a hypocrite, though certainly I am.

We have the means to grow food for the hungry, to grow good and healthy food. If the institutions of government will not allow for it- then do they really work for the good of the people?
Laud the farmers as teachers, focus on models of permaculture, and plant the garden of the world. Create community- it’s what we are missing, and with it the soul of society has withered.
Immanentise the eschaton.